There is a particular silence that falls over a studio when the work has stopped flowing. It is not the comfortable quiet of an afternoon’s concentration, the small companionable hush of brushes drying or a print easing out of the printer tray. It is something heavier. The room holds its breath. The camera sits on the shelf and looks back at you with what feels like reproach, though, of course, it is only a camera, and cameras have no opinions. The reproach is your own, and you have lent it to the lens.
If you have come to abstract work seriously, you will know this silence. Sooner or later it visits every one of us. The ideas thin out. The eye dulls. The hand that reached so readily for the camera last month now finds reasons — small, plausible, almost respectable reasons — to do anything else. The kettle goes on. The emails get answered. The sock draw is tidied (and organised by colour…) with a sudden and suspicious thoroughness. And underneath all of it, a quiet panic begins to gather. *What if it has gone? What if I have nothing more to say?*
This is what I want to talk to you about this week. Not to fix it — there is no fix (sorry to dash your hopes so early in the essay), and anyone who sells you one is selling you something else as well (artistic snake oil, perhaps?) — but to sit with it for a while. To suggest, perhaps, that what feels like a death may be something quite different. It may be a fallow time. And on these islands, we know a thing or two about fallow ground.
—
When I first came to North Uist, the move itself swallowed the days. Boxes to unpack, a house to make habitable, getting over the stress of the move, the slow learning of where the wind comes from and which lochs catch the morning light. There was no question of making ‘real’ work; the settling was work enough. I told myself, with the easy confidence of someone not yet tested, that once the dust had cleared, I would begin. The landscape was extraordinary. The light was extraordinary. I had moved to the edge of the world, and the work would surely pour out of me.
It did not.
When at last the boxes were broken down and the home felt a bit more like home and the studio was, more or less, a studio, I picked up the camera and went out into the islands expecting some great rush of feeling. What I found instead was a strange flatness. The light was still extraordinary. The machair was still extraordinary. And I was, somehow, mute in front of it. I came home with nothing. I went out again. I came home with nothing again. Days became weeks. The weeks became something I would rather not count.
I did all the things a person does in that state. I rearranged the studio. I bought a book I did not need. I told myself I was *gathering*, which is what we tell ourselves when we are not making. I started three projects and finished none of them. I read about other people’s work and felt smaller. I picked up the camera and put it down again. I told nobody (especially you guys), because to say it out loud felt like an admission that I had made some terrible mistake in coming here at all.
I tell you this not as confession but as a kind of permission. If you are in that place now, you are not alone, and you have not failed, and you have not lost it. You are in the fallow time. And the fallow time, properly understood, is part of the work.
—
The crofters here know the value of letting ground rest. Talking to my neighbour, Callum John (the people here are often known by two names)I have learned that the soil here is rich and fertile, but thin. Dig down and you soon hit the Lewissian Gneiss, the immensely old and incredibly hard granite these islands are founded on – some of the oldest rocks on our planet. He has told me that if a field is worked too hard, year on year, it gives less and less until at last it gives nothing. The remedy is not to push harder. It is to leave it. To let the rain fall on it and the wind cross it and the small wild things come back into it, and in time — never on a schedule you can name — the ground recovers a richness it could not have held while it was being asked to perform. This is not a failure of the field. It is not the laziness of the farmer. It is how the thing actually works.
Our creative ground is no different. We have been sold, all of us, a peculiar idea that the artist should produce continuously, that any pause is a kind of moral failing, that if we are not posting and uploading and finishing and shipping, then we are somehow not artists at all. This is a story told mostly by the platforms that need our content. The artists I love have all had their fallow years. Hodgkin would work on a single small painting for a decade. Agnes Martin walked away from painting in 1967, drove out to a mesa in New Mexico, and did not lift a brush again for seven years; the work she came back to make is the work the world now queues to see. Cy Twombly went silent for long stretches and then erupted. The list is long and easy to extend. The fallow time is not the enemy of the work. It is, very often, the soil from which the next work grows.
So the first thing I would say to you is this: stop fighting it. The harder you grip the camera in a fallow time, the more it slips. The more you berate yourself for not making, the smaller and more frightened the work becomes. There is a kind of trust required here, and it is hard, and there is no way to learn it except by living through one of these periods and coming out the other side. You will. They end. They always end. But not, I am afraid, on the schedule you (or I) would prefer.
—
What broke my own fallow time, in the end, was not effort. It was a dog, and other people’s work, and the small histories of a place.
The dog was Eddie, of course – my dear and ever-present friend Eddie. We walked, he and I, day after day, regardless of weather (because having a dog as your best friend means going out for a walk no matter the weather, no matter your tiredness, no matter if your favourite program is on TV or not – you go), regardless of whether I had anything to say. I did not take the camera at first. I took only Eddie, and a coat, and one of my favourite hats (of which I have far too many – but that is a whole other confession) and whatever the day was giving. We walked the same tracks again and again, the same shorelines, the same paths between the lochs. And what I noticed, slowly, was that the repetition was teaching me something the dramatic outings had not. The same patch of machair was different every day. The same stretch of water held a different colour every hour. I was not looking for pictures. I was just looking. And in the not-looking-for, the looking itself began to come back.
This is worth saying plainly. *Looking is not the same as photographing.* In our hurry to make work we sometimes forget that the eye needs feeding, and that feeding the eye is a slow business. The fallow time may be the time when you most need to put the camera down and simply walk. Not as a productive exercise. Not as research. Just as the looking that any artist owes to the world they live in.
The other thing that broke the silence was looking at other people’s work. I went back, in those listless weeks, to the painters who had always meant something to me. I sat with Howard Hodgkin (and a wee dram beside the peat fire) and his small, dense, emotionally drenched panels, the way he could hold a whole holiday, a whole love affair, inside a frame the size of a book. I went back to Barbara Rae and her electric Hebridean colour, the way she takes a peat hag or a fence line and turns it into a chord. I sat for long evenings with Rothko (and more not-so-wee drams and roaring peat fires), who knew more about silence than most of us will ever learn. I read Sean Scully on the meaning of the stripe and the wall and the door, and I found in his rigour something that loosened my own paralysis.
None of this was research in any professional sense. It was something more like company. I needed to remember that I was part of a long conversation, that other people had stood where I was standing, that the work I admired had been made by humans who also had their dark weeks. Looking at their work did not make me want to copy them — and I would warn you against that always — but it made me want to *make* again. It rekindled something. It reminded me of what was possible.
And then, almost incidentally, I began to read the place itself. The poetry of these islands. The Gaelic place-names, each one a tiny compressed story. The history of Harris Tweed — those extraordinary women dyeing wool with lichen and crotal and the deep peat-brown of the moor, weaving by the rhythm of the sea. I was not, at this point, making any work at all. But I was filling up. I was becoming, very slowly, a person with something to say.
When the work came back, it came back changed. It was the work that walking with Eddie and reading the place and sitting with Hodgkin and Rae had made possible. None of it could have been made by the version of me who had arrived in Uist demanding pictures from the landscape. The fallow time had not been wasted. It had been the necessary preparation for what came next, though I had not been able to see that from inside it.
—
So if you are in the silence now, here is what I would gently suggest, knowing that none of it is a cure and all of it is only the offering of one person who has been there and come back.
Walk. Take the dog or take only yourself, but walk, and walk the same places again and again. Let the repetition do its slow work. Resist the urge to make every walk productive. Some walks are for the body and the eye and nothing else. The photographs will come back when they are ready, and not before.
Go and look at other people’s work. Not in a panic, not to compare, not to scroll. Sit with one artist for an evening. Choose someone whose work has always moved you, or someone you have been meaning to look at properly, and give them an hour of your full attention. Read what they said about their own practice. Look at how they handled colour or edge or silence. Let them remind you that the conversation you are part of is long and rich and far older than you are.
Read around your place. Whatever place that is. Read its poets, its histories, its makers. Read about the textiles and the songs and the kitchen recipes and the names of the fields. The work that comes out of you eventually will be richer for having a soil to grow in. We are not making pictures in a vacuum. We are making them as people with bodies, in particular places, with particular weather, surrounded by particular ghosts. Feed all of that.
Keep a notebook for the fallow time. Not a list of pictures to make, that pressure is the last thing you need, but a place for the small noticings. A colour you saw on the way to the shop. A shape the gulls made. A phrase from a poem that snagged. Half-thoughts about a project you might one day do. The notebook is for after. When the spark returns, and it will, you will go back to those pages and find the seeds you laid down without knowing.
And, this matters, be kind to yourself. The voice in your head that says *you have lost it, you were never any good, you should give up* is not telling you the truth. It is telling you that you are frightened, which is a different thing entirely. Frightened is a feeling. It is not a verdict. Treat it the way you would treat a friend who came to you in the same state: with patience, with company, with a shared dram, with the assumption that the storm will pass.
—
The fallow time is part of the work. Say it again, because the culture we live in will keep trying to convince you otherwise. *The fallow time is part of the work.* It is not the absence of practice. It is a different phase of practice. The ground is doing what the ground needs to do. Your job, in these weeks or months, is not to force the field. Your job is to keep walking it, to keep your eyes open, to feed it with whatever rain and wind and small wild noticings come your way.
And then, one morning, with no fanfare and no announcement, you will lift the camera and something will move in you and you will press the shutter and it will feel, again, like the most natural thing in the world. You will wonder why you ever doubted. And you will probably forget, until the next fallow time comes, that you ever did.
But until then, and there is no shame in this, no failure in this, no reason to hide it from yourself or each other, let the field rest. Walk with the dog. Sit with the painters who have gone before. Read the poems of the place you happen to be standing in. Trust that the silence is not the end of the work. It is, very often, the beginning of the work you have not yet been able to imagine.
The spark comes back. It came back for me, and it will come back for you. Our part is to be ready for it when it does, and to have done, in the waiting, the quiet, unglamorous, essential work of keeping ourselves alive to the world.
That is the work too. Perhaps it is the main work. The pictures, when they come, are only what is left over.







































